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May. 25th, 2008

It's almost 2:30 am and I'm not tired.

And I realized that I haven't written anything since fall semester. For some reason I am really tempted to start posting again. Who knows what the next few days will bring? Lots of stuff happened in the past semester.

An aside: One complaint: why can't professors just post those goddamn grades? I mean do they really love just holding on to them and making students freak out? AHHH!

Nov. 26th, 2007

I have a paper due on Thursday which is stressing me out but I don't care. The stress, the writing, the deleting, all of it is what I live for. I love the thrill of the chase of research. And even though I felt like I was going to fall flat on my face, I didn't. I'm so lucky that I have a great support group like my parents, grandparents, Geoffrey, and my professor of course. The more I'm in the PSCI office the more I'm thinking about maybe becoming a professor or some sort of academic. And its this research paper that has been affecting my thinking. I've been reading a lot of interesting articles on my CEE/EU/Russia topic and it just makes me want to get a Master's degree. I could become a legal scholar of EU laws....this is why I want to become a lawyer because law=research=writing=me happy. Okay, back to the paper.

Busy

I am going to update...tomorrow. I just haven't had the time to sit down and do anything that doesn't involve school. I'm behind in two classes and I hate it when I let myself do it. You think saying I'll read it later is going to actually mean I'm going to read it later but it doesn't until you have a week filled with exams and you need to know what the hell is written in those books. My weekends have been eventful to say the least. More on that later.

The Lanahan Readings are calling me....

Why? lol Why?

"And the award goes to...Gym Class Fall Out."

Why Jennifer Garner, why?



Still going to see The Kingdom when it comes out....September 28th.

...The universe is unfolding as it should.

I have realized that I have been neglecting my LJ. There was times when I started to update but then deleted an entry because I was too lazy to finish it. But I figure I should update it so that a few years from now I can laugh at myself like I did the other day rereading my old entries. So here is goes:

Spring semester ended on a very good note. I managed to get a mix of A's and -A's. I think me getting an -A in Ethics was a shock and it gave me this confidence that hey I can understand complicated material and write a paper defending a point or proving it wrong. And because I did well and got the material, law school ( I know it makes no sense but in my mind it does) doesn't seem that frightening anymore. I feel like I can handle the LSAT's, with studying for it of course. I'm not going into that exam blind. But it gives me hope that since I figured Ethics out, I can figure out Logic Games.

The summer began and seemed as if it would never end. 4 months. Almost. I wanted to get a job at this camp in Freehold that provided transportation and a nice salary. But of course my dad wanted me to go to Poland and the job would have made it impossible. It was the first time in a very long time that I argued with him about something. I got him to promise that next summer I can get a job. His reasoning is that I have the rest of my life to work and that I should relax after a hectic first year. I see his point but what he fails to understand is that I need to build my resume and helping my grandparents on the farm is not going to count. I love them and I miss them everyday but I need to start thinking about my needs a little bit more.

Geoffrey and I saw each other often; he would come over then I would go over his house. And that's what most of my summer looked like. We made it through the summer which surprised me. I don't know why. Sometimes with our relationship I feel like things are going to fall apart. I guess it maybe that I'm only 18 and I'm a little scared that I have this amazing person in my life that I can connect with and be me with and who knows the real me and that is scary. He knows when I'm pretending to be alright when I'm not and he knows my little quirks and he can finish my sentences at times and he just knows my goals, my dreams, my fears etc. All of that can be a little overwhelming at times but the thing is I know that I was happy with who I was when Geoff was not in my life. I was very pleased with me. And I know that I can be happy without a guy in my life. But being with him makes me even happier because now I have someone I can share and experience things with; its not just me. I like having him there. People can think what they want; that I'm too serious with him or that I'm too young to be thinking like this, well screw them lol. I know that I don't need a guy to make me happy. I know who I am and I am still learning about myself. And I have Geoffrey there along for the ride. Life is not meant to be lived by yourself. And because I feel that I have found someone incredible and worthwhile, doesn't mean that it's a negative thing. It's positive. We both have our interests and respect each other and most importantly show an interest in each others lives. Life sucks. We all know that. Things happen while other things don't and I believe that having someone there at the end of the day to share all of your ideas, dreams, concerns, or whatever with is the best feeling in the world.

We went to Poland at the end of July and came back on August 24th. Planes suck because of turbulence. The weather was great and my tan proves that. I got an allergic reaction from a joint cream (my knee was killing me because of the running) and I didn't read the little pamphlet that said no sun exposure. So I had this bad rash, itchy and everything but it is slowly going away. I went to a wedding; danced. Had 5 shots of Smirnoff Vodka throughout the course of the night. No I was not drunk. But I managed to get drunk at my friend's house a few weeks later. It was the first time where my eye sight was distorted and I couldn't walk straight. But I didn't have a hangover the next weekend. But a certain someone did get plastered and it was pretty funny. I worked out and managed to tone up. A lot. And I am still continuing my workout.

I moved back to school last Sunday after not wanting to come back. I am scared that I'm going to fuck up something. And my boyfriend is planning on conquering the world this semester with millions of little things. He is so excited about it. His face lights up when he talks about his plans. I think they are a bit unrealistic but the real problem is that I'm kind of mad that I am having issues filling my schedule up like he is.

I just want to end this entry with something motivational, something that has been helping me get through all this uncertainty etc:

"You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

Welcome to an actual room!

Next year = Haselton 213....hahahaha

A New J.J. lol

I can't believe that I forgot how amazing Jack Johnson is.....I can't even describe his music. And Stacie, the Jack Johnson poster is definately going to be in our room next year. Forget what I sai d earlier!

And I think Geoff and I finally have a song.

We Mourn With You

I created a Facebook Group called, "Drew University Mourns with Virginia Tech." I needed to do something to show VT that Drew supports them and that we are hurting with them. I am feeling so helpless, scarred, sad, and angry about this. Violence in school should not happen. School is for learning and for teaching. 33 innocent lives were lost. 33. Just like that. Some idiot who couldn't ask for help decided to hurt innocent people and for what? What good reason could anyone have for killing others? There is no good reason. I sit in class now and I all I can think of is what would I do if something happened. I sit in fear. I took a nap the other day and I had a dream where Geoffrey and Stacie got shot. All we can do is pray for the lives lost, pray for the families, and the community of VT.

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Apr. 17th, 2007

The whole school shooting at Virginia Tech has got me really scared. I had a bad dream about it when I took a nap this afternoon and in the dream Geoff got injured as did other people. I'm just scared to sit in class now. When Columbine happened, I was freaked out and I made these weird escape plans from class in my mind, but in all honesty I have no idea how I would act if anything like this happened at Drew. And I hope to God that it doesn't. I don't understand why people have to resort to violence. The guy that did was a loner and I get that but it doesn't mean you should kill innocent people. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I just pray for the families that lost loved ones in this tragic event. May they all rest in peace.

In other news, I have an Ethics paper, a Russian Exam, a research paper, and a Biology exam all in the next two weeks. And it just seems like so much to me. I'm alittle overwhelmed but most of that anxiety is because of my Ethics paper because I just got confused with it the other night, but I'm slowly making sense of it again.

And in more negative news, my laptop crashed. I got the 'blue screen of death.' CNS is fixing it and they said it would be two days so I should be getting it back tomorrow or Thursday. I was approved for a loaner (its huge and ugly lol. For most of Monday I felt really disconnected from the world.

I'm also officially a Political Science Major and Russian minor. Hahaha. My new (and fabulous) advisor is Professor Andrea Talentino. I registered for next semester and so far I'm taking European Politics, Intermediate Russian, Microeconomics, Post-Soviet Literature, and American Gov't and Politics but that may change to Political Ideologies since my advisor said the philosophy of politics is so connected to most of the courses taught at Drew. I'm still making up my mind about.

HHAAAYYYYAAA

I can't feel my thumbs.

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